All My Rage

The following day in court, Salahudin is found guilty on all counts against him, and the sentencing follows immediately. The judge expresses how impressed he was by Salahudin’s admission of guilt and suspends Sal’s sentences on all counts except the transportation and sale of heroin, for which Salahudin is sentenced to three years in prison. Martin explains afterward that Sal will get out in 18 months with good behavior. Salahudin is grateful and finally feels at peace. 

In September, Noor goes to UCLA and meets her roommate, Neelum. She soon finds they have much in common—a love for music and Crown of Fates. Neelum is majoring in English, and Noor asks to borrow a book from her.

Salahudin finds that the toughest part about prison is the touch he cannot escape: the guards grabbing him to direct him or someone brushing past him or shoving him. Abu doesn’t visit since it would be difficult for him on his journey to sobriety, but Imam Shafiq calls and visits regularly. One day a few weeks into Salahudin’s sentence, Dr. Ellis comes to visit. She starts to tell Salahudin about his medical history, but he stops her. He believes that Ama was right in keeping the specifics of what happened from him. His body remembers a trauma in the laundry room, but his mind does not, and he doesn’t want it to. Once Salahudin makes this decision, he feels more open to forgiving himself.

While waiting to be transferred from a group cell to his official cell assignment, Salahudin gets a book in the mail called The Bird King, but he doesn’t know who sent it. He dares to hope it could be from Noor. He reads the book slowly, savoring it, and then another comes shortly after he finishes the first. Two weeks later, a third book arrives. Then, Salahudin gets his permanent cell assignment and finds that his cellmate is Santiago, the man he met in the county jail the night of his arrest. Santiago explains the meaning of his tattoo and talks about the Johnny Cash and U2 song Ama loved, “The Wanderer.” Salahudin takes meaning from these many coincidences, finally understanding what Noor and Ama were trying to tell him: Life cannot be controlled, and one must trust God and let go of the things one can’t control.

Salahudin finally lets go of his anger toward Ama for letting her health decline, and he starts to write. He writes Ama’s story, basing it on Abu’s stories and what he knows of his mother’s life, but filling in the details with his imaginings.

For the first few weeks of college, Noor stays angry with Salahudin, but her anger eventually starts to fade. She thinks of Salahudin often and begins to send him books in prison. She pretends he is with her, by her side, throughout the school year. Noor hears from Khadija that Chachu was arrested for domestic violence after hitting Brooke, and she goes to the counseling center with an imaginary Salahudin at her side. Noor learns that Chachu does not get jail time and takes her anger out by starting a kickboxing class. Noor finds solace and meaning in music, and it soon becomes clear to her that she still loves Salahudin.

A few days after his release from prison, Salahudin visits Ama’s grave. He asks for her forgiveness and tells her everything he’s done since her death. Noor shows up at the cemetery and plays him a song about new beginnings. They ask each other for forgiveness, and they kiss. He also shares a letter with Noor that Dr. Ellis wrote him. The letter reveals that Misbah approached Dr. Ellis with concerns that a young person she knew was being abused. Misbah was unsure what to do, although she wanted to take action, and her failing health soon prevented her from being able to help Noor. Salahudin explains to Noor that when Ama was dying, she was not asking Noor to forgive others; she was asking for Noor’s forgiveness.

This final chapter shares Misbah’s perspective of Salahudin’s visit to her grave. She can feel and hear him and can sense Noor’s presence when she arrives. At first, Misbah feels guilt for not saving Noor but then feels Noor’s love and forgiveness toward her. She sees Noor and Salahudin make amends, and then her father comes to get her, saying, “Time to sleep” (374).