Always and Forever, Lara Jean

Lara Jean catches a ride to the charter bus at school from her father, who makes sure she has emergency money and his credit card. He begins to worry that she’s growing up too fast, but she reminds him how close she’ll be if she gets into UVA. She sits next to Peter and near Chris and Lucas and the rest of her friends, who play Never Have I Ever before switching to Truth or Dare, both of which make her nervous because she is still a virgin and has been with Peter for a year. Lucas, who is gay and out, but not “out out” is asked if he’s “had sex with a dude” (94). Lucas says no and diffuses the situation, but he looks generally uncomfortable. The game ends before Lara Jean’s turn comes around.

As the bus arrives in New York City, everyone in the bus is hushed in amazement. They recognize they are tourists, especially after an older woman shouts at Peter on the street. The class tours the Empire State Building, which makes Lara Jean feel lightheaded. Security confiscates Peter’s bag when he leaves it on a bench for Lara Jean to find; when the guard squeezes the bear inside, it asks Lara Jean to prom. This is a nod to Sleepless in Seattle, Lara Jean’s favorite movie. On the bus ride to their hotel in New Jersey, they joke about sneaking back into the city for a show. While Peter wants to try a bagel, Lara Jean is in search of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. Peter tries to redo Lara Jean’s braids but messes them up.

The next morning, Lara Jean compares the weather to a scene in the film You’ve Got Mail, when the main characters meet in Riverside Park; they are going to Central Park instead, and they’re being led around by a tour guide when Lara Jean and Chris notice Peter is missing. He returns with a cookie from Levain, which is thick and dense like a scone. After, while everyone else has ice cream, she and Peter run to Jacques Torres’s chocolate shop with Ms. Davenport’s permission. His chocolate chip cookie is meant to be the best, and for Lara Jean, it stands up to the test: “flat, chewy, dense […] It’s heaven” (107). At sunrise, Peter brings Lara Jean up to the rooftop at their hotel to watch the sunrise. Peter pictures them living in a skyscraper, but she wants a brownstone near a bookstore. Lara Jean admits to herself that while NYC scared her before, now that she’s here, she feels comfortable, and she wonders if that’s because she has Peter at her side.

Lara Jean sleeps on the journey back to Virginia, where she spots her father’s car in the school parking lot. Seeing all the parents’ cars in the lot makes her feel nostalgic, “like being in elementary school again” (112). The evening at home passes quickly, but she is unable to sleep so she goes to the kitchen to bake. She has planned out a new dessert combining cinnamon rolls and brownies when her father catches her. He tries to convince her to get back in bed, but he ends up staying to help. She asks him why he’s awake, and he says he has a lot on his mind, too. He asks her how she feels about Trina, and they both admit to loving her. Lara Jean is genuinely happy for her father. 

Lara Jean has been checking her phone all week for news from UVA about her application, but it’s Thursday and no one has heard. Finally, the word goes out on social media to check their Student Info System. Lara Jean logs in and finds out she did not get accepted, nor has she been waitlisted. So many others are jumping and shouting, but Lara Jean sits alone in her chair with her teacher’s sympathy. On her way to her locker, Lara Jean runs into Peter and tells him. He is visibly upset, but she tells him to go to his lacrosse game.

Lara Jean cries the whole way home. She believes everyone will be disappointed with her, and she regrets not just keeping her feelings to herself about how much she wanted to get in. At home, she puts herself to bed and checks her phone, finding out that her father, older sister, and Peter have all tried to contact her. Her cousin, Haven, has been accepted, but it was her safety school. Kitty arrives home, and Lara Jean pretends to be asleep, then actually falls asleep, waking up after dark. She goes downstairs and tells her father and Kitty that she didn’t get in. She starts crying again, and her father assures her she’ll still go to a great school. Even Kitty is empathetic, “her voice tiny, her eyes sorrowful” (126).

Lara Jean has gone back to bed when Peter comes in through the window; he’s come straight from his game to see how she’s doing. They are both upset, and they talk about other people who got in before he leaves back through the window. Lara Jean notices her sister has texted her saying she’s sorry, and it starts to feel real for her. She continues to cry.