Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

In less than two months, Elizabeth regained the weight she had lost. Although she no longer qualified for hospice, she still needed around-the-clock care, unable to feed, wash, or dress herself. Goodie, one of the two nurses, offered to cover both day and night shifts to save Chast some money. Elizabeth and Goodie quickly bonded: “My mother had surrendered control to a lovely stranger” (183). Goodie, being smart and strong-willed, was a good match for Elizabeth. Chast felt guilty for not doing all the caregiving herself but was simultaneously relieved and grateful.

As Elizabeth’s dementia progressed, she started making up stories, such as claiming that her husband had died when she was pregnant. Goodie, familiar with dementia, was unfazed by these tales. Chast, however, found them fascinating and began to write them down. Many of Elizabeth’s stories involved George’s mother, Katie, with whom she did not have a good relationship. Katie, a Russian widow who adored her only son, George, never forgave him or Elizabeth after their marriage. Elizabeth invented dramatic narratives in which Katie tried to kill her: “Katie paid a young man to push my wheelchair into TRAFFIC!” (190). Other tales involved her deceased older brother visiting her and telling her that he would guide her through Hell when she arrived.

A friend sent Chast a quote from Swann’s Way, which describes the preparation for death as the chrysalis stage of life. In April 2009, Elizabeth celebrated her 97th birthday. Goodie helped her out of bed and dressed her. Chast’s daughter and some relatives and friends joined the celebration. In the following months, Elizabeth began to wither away. She stopped telling stories and was always tired, though she didn’t look frail. On Page 198, an illustration depicts Elizabeth telling the Grim Reaper, “Back off, mister” (198). Chast wondered how long this would last: Elizabeth wasn’t dying, but she wasn’t fully living either. Chast worried about the financial toll: “Every month she stays alive, the Place and Goodie get $$$$ richer… which means that I get $$$$ poorer” (200).

In June, Chast attempted a final conversation with her mother about the past. She wished they could have been friends, but Elizabeth dismissively said it didn’t worry her. Chast asked if she should stay, and Elizabeth replied that it didn’t matter. Chast left and sat in her car, crying and angry about her mother’s behavior, but realized it was too late to improve their relationship. On Page 202 is a black-and-white photograph of Chast as a child with Elizabeth.

In mid-July, Elizabeth’s doctor decided it was time for her to return to hospice care, alongside Goodie’s 24-hour care. Elizabeth mostly slept, occasionally sipping Ensure or ginger ale. Chast often asked the hospice volunteers how long they thought her mother would hold on. One of them joked, “The Devil doesn’t want her, and God’s not ready” (205). Hospice arranged for a Reiki therapist to visit Chast’s house to help with her stress. The Reiki sessions were relaxing, but Chast remained anxious.

A nurse placed a DNR bracelet on Elizabeth, but it made her sad, so Chast taped it to her medical file. Chast told her mother it was okay to let go, that she should feel free to join her husband and deceased brothers. She also mentioned that they were running out of money. In her final days, Elizabeth called out for her father. One day, she told Chast she loved her. In September, Elizabeth developed a hole in her abdomen due to diverticulosis. On September 30, Chast received a phone call from Goodie informing her that Elizabeth had passed away. When she arrived, Chast found her mother in bed in her pajamas. Alone with her mother’s body, Chast drew her. Pages 211-22 feature drawings from July until the final one of Elizabeth after her death.

In Chast’s closet are two special boxes. One holds her father’s cremains and the other her mother’s. The funeral director asked if Chast wanted their ashes mixed, but she declined, saying that her mother “had been so dominant when they were alive” that it was best “if he had a little space of his own” (225). The ashes weigh around five pounds each and have tags on them. Chast reflects that the thought of burying her parents does not appeal to her. She likes having them in her closet, and every time she opens the door, she thinks of them. Chast remembers her dad with great affection and is working through her feelings about her mother. She still has a desire to make things right with her. Chast reflects that she never felt quite part of the family, sometimes wondering if she was adopted. Nevertheless, they were her “one and only set of parents” (228), and she feels their loss deeply. They often appear in her dreams.