Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

The complexities of navigating care for aging parents is a central theme in the memoir because it centers on Chast’s experiences in ensuring that her parents received proper care during their final years, highlighting the conflicts and challenges that arise. Summarizing the conflict at the heart of the memoir is this sentence: “I wasn’t great as a caretaker, and they weren’t great at being taken care of” (23).

Chast reflects on her shortcomings as a caregiver as her parents’ health declined, her father’s because of dementia, and her mother’s as a result of physical ailments. She ironically notes, “any Florence Nightingale-type visions I ever had of myself—an unselfish, patient, sweet, caring child who happily tended to her parents in their old age—were destroyed within an hour or so” (75). Her father’s incessant questions about his bankbooks and general anxieties, even about food, frustrated her. In addition, like many people, her parents initially resisted becoming dependent, vehemently claiming that they didn’t need help. After her father’s death, Chast struggled even more with her mother, with whom she had a strained relationship. Elizabeth required constant care, entering a limbo state between life and death, symbolized by the chrysalis. This led to Chast’s becoming frustrated and increasingly concerned about finances. The memoir therefore portrays the challenges of caring for aging parents, especially as an only child with unresolved parental issues.

The memoir also explores the role reversal between parents and children as parents age. Chast reflects on the shock of seeing her once-strong parents become frail. She notes how, when her father was bedridden in a nursing home, “Seeing my dad in the nursing home was painful. He looked so small and so frail. How could this be? He was my DAD!” (144). The image of strong, capable parents is shattered when one must care for them at their most vulnerable. This role reversal is likewise evident in Chast’s experiences while her mother stayed at her home after George’s death: Elizabeth had a bathroom accident, and Chast felt sorry for her mother’s going through “this awful humiliation” (163). As Elizabeth developed dementia, she told made-up stories and regressed to a childlike state. Chast’s candid and humorous narration, particularly in Chapter 16, captures the absurdity of these moments.

Similarly, the memoir addresses how the pragmatic side of caring for aging parents presents additional challenges. Chast details the extensive paperwork involved, and her notebook on Page 89 illustrates the overwhelming amount of vital information necessary to track, including social security numbers, doctors’ contacts, and elder care agencies. In Chapter 10, she describes emptying her parents’ old apartment as “massive, deeply weird, and heartbreaking” (111). Financial concerns emerged as the costs for assisted living (and external help) accumulated. While her mother was on her deathbed, Chast bluntly told her, “You are running out of money” (208). The memoir doesn’t shy away from depicting the collective mental and practical difficulties of caring for aging parents, portraying them as a daunting and emotionally taxing responsibility.