Crabbe

Just before dawn, Crabbe arrives at the town of Noelville, in northern Ontario. He leaves the main road to head toward the French River. He finds a hiding place for the car along the riverbank, then takes his canoe and supplies out of the car. After taking a nap, he clumsily puts the canoe afloat on the river and loads his supplies. He remembers that he forgot to bring a life jacket. With some difficulty, he steers the canoe down the river until the tributary feeds into the lake, bringing him closer to his eventual destination. He feels a “sense of accomplishment” and “officially free” (50).

Crabbe follows a stream out of the lake. It takes him several hours to get the canoe under control. Farther down the stream, he gets out of the canoe to carry it around a beaver pond. He admits that he hasn’t done even one day’s work in his prior life because everything was always provided for him or outsourced to hired help. He contrasts his experience that day with the previous trip he took with his father, who handled all the preparations for the trip. Crabbe pictures images of men carrying canoes in the outdoors and notes how his own struggles with his backpacks and canoes contrast with their seeming ease. He also realizes that he’d “packed like a fool” (55): the items in the backpack are stowed so carelessly that they dig into his back. He eventually finds the campsite where he camped with his father and decides to stop for the night.

Crabbe wakes up the next morning, his body sore from the hard labor of the previous day. Crabbe has a brief longing for Silent Sam, the alcohol he used to drink back home to soothe himself. He sees some large animal droppings around his campsite. He remarks that “[f]oresight has never been a strong point with me” (59) after discovering that his food, books, and matches have gotten wet in the rain from the previous night. While eating he spills fish oil on his sleeping bag and drops wrappers from his snacks on the tent floor. He then spends a few moments observing the sounds and sights of nature around him, a new experience for him. Ordinarily he finds his mind overwhelmed with the details of his life back home. There in the wilderness, however, he describes himself as “a skinny, aching buddha in his little orange cave” (60).

He wakes up during the night with a deep sense of foreboding. While feeling anxiety and dread is a regular occurrence at home since he suffers from anxiety attacks, this feeling is different. He eventually hears a “soft tearing sound off in the woods behind [him] like the ripping of wet paper” (61). As the sounds get nearer, Crabbe realizes that an animal is at his campsite, a fact that is confirmed when what he thinks is a black bear enters his tent and takes a swipe at him. He rolls into a ball and faints. When he wakes up the bear is gone, and he discovers that he has soiled himself. He cleans himself and leaves his campsite, swearing that from now on he will only camp on islands. After locating an island to camp on, Crabbe settles in for the night, has another longing to drink and a momentary desire to return home, and then falls asleep. He wakes up the next morning and continues his journey.

Crabbe admits that when he set out on his journey into the wilderness he had no idea where he was going, especially since he neglected to bring a map or a compass, items he did not recognize as essential at the time. In retrospect, he realizes that he didn't know he was lost.

That night, as he settles down to sleep, he notices many sounds in the forest as it gets darker, an experience that is surprising for him. He has another longing to drink alcohol, and spends what he calls “a long fearful night” (70) trying to sleep and seriously considers going back home.

The next day is sunny and beautiful, which improves Crabbe’s mood. Crabbe continues navigating down the rivers and streams after breakfast. While he is navigating around a snag, he accidentally goes over some falls. He falls out of his canoe, which is destroyed, and the weight of his packs drag him down into the water. “The dark,” Crabbe says, “was a dead, chilling liquid. And it was like I was slowly sinking into it and it flowed into my ears and nose and mouth and filled me, dissolved me in blackness” (74). He blacks out and has what he thinks is an “erotic dream” of a naked woman rescuing him and then holding him (74). When he wakes up he realizes it is no dream.