Enough

Now unemployed, Hutchinson unpacked her belongings that she had expected to take to Florida. A congressman friend noted how exhausted she seemed and urged her to take a vacation. She agreed and went to the Florida coast. She realized she had not had time to process the many events that had unfolded since election day since she had been living at “warp speed.” Finally alone, she realized that she felt guilty that she had not done more to stop the events on January 6 and understood that she had been complicit in the “chain of bad decisions” that led to the riots (241). She felt a new motivation to start new in Washington. Hutchinson found it distressing to follow the ongoing news about Trump’s “election fraud nonsense” and felt the urge to tell her whole truth to someone (242). She confided in Tony Ornato, who reassured her that she had done her best in her job.

That spring, Hutchinson continued to talk with Kevin McCarthy, although she was disappointed that he had flip-flopped on his position on the January 6 riots and now did not blame Trump for the role he played. McCarthy wanted to oust Liz Cheney as the leader of the Republican Conference since she was critical of Trump, while Hutchinson respected Cheney as a “serious” politician who was right to condemn Trump’s actions. Soon, Cheney was replaced by Representative Elise Stefanik, and McCarthy encouraged Hutchinson to apply to work for her. However, she let the chance pass and never spoke to him again since the idea now “repelled” her.

With the permission of Congress, the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6 Attack, or the “January 6 Committee” as it came to be known, was formed. Hutchinson hoped that the Committee would better understand what happened on January 6 but was worried about being subpoenaed. She could not afford a lawyer and did not want to accept money from Trump since she knew that such a gesture would come with strings attached. Her friend, Alyssa Farah, informally advised the committee and asked Hutchinson if she would speak to Liz Cheney in person. Hutchinson agreed that she would if she could be guaranteed that she would not be subpoenaed. She did not hear from either Farah or Cheney and was not surprised when she was subpoenaed by the committee. 

After being subpoenaed, Hutchinson visited Ben Williamson, who had been Meadows’s communications director. Williamson was unconcerned about the subpoena, boasting that it proved they had been in the “big leagues.” Hutchinson overheard a phone conversation in which Meadows told Williamson that they should discuss legal options, but he did not include Hutchinson in his considerations. Hutchinson was hurt and considered this another slight from him.

Using her lawyer contacts from her days in the White House, Hutchinson gained some legal recommendations, but none of them would work pro bono. An anxious Hutchinson traveled to New Jersey to ask her father for money. Hutchinson gifted him a bowl with the presidential seal and Trump’s signature, and her father ignored her pleas for help and suggested that Trump pay for her lawyer instead. When Hutchinson began to cry, her father reminded her that “Warriors don’t cry” (254). He continued to make light of her situation, alternately discussing his wealth and Trump’s reelection and accusing Hutchinson of making him “broke.”

Hutchinson was devastated to be in a position of dependence and vowed to never be held “captive” again. The author immersed herself in her quest to find an affordable lawyer, making her life “monotonous,” “predictable,” and isolated (259). 

Hutchinson visited her new lawyer in Baltimore and was shocked that he could no longer represent her pro bono; his engagement letter required a six-figure retainer. Hutchinson was desperate enough to consider asking Matt Schlapp, a “Trump World” supporter, for help from his legal defense fund for the Trump administration. Her new attorney, however, noted that any money from such funding would come with “strings attached.” She and the lawyer parted ways.

Hutchinson reached out to her Aunt Steph, who offered to remortgage their house, but Hutchinson felt too bad to take her up on this offer.

She decided to put her pride aside and “grovel” to her dad again. This time, he claimed he could barely afford firewood and chastised her for being a “wimp.” He claimed that the Committee’s investigation was a “witch hunt” to take down Trump and that Hutchinson should not betray Trump or him. When she retorted that he had not raised her, her father called her an “ungrateful, spoiled bitch” (268). Hearing this, Hutchinson broke down and begged her father to lend her money or cosign a loan. Her father told her to move back in with him so he could protect her from the government. An emotional Hutchinson left her father, telling him he was incapable of offering unconditional love.

Upset at being controlled by another “captor,” Hutchinson used her Trump World contacts and was assigned a lawyer named Stefan Passantino. She recalls, “And just like that, I was back in the Family” (270).

Hutchinson met with Passantino and asked him how they would go about preparing for her testimony, noting that she wanted to print out a calendar with her notes and memories so she could be sure she was accurate about the dates. Passantino, who came across as “informal” and “affable,” brushed off these comments and informed Hutchinson that “the less you remember the better” (272). He encouraged her to only claim she did not remember anything and to not bring notes for her deposition since anything written down had to be shared with the Committee. The day of her deposition, Passantino assured her that everyone was united in their goal to “protect the president,” meaning Trump.

During her deposition, Hutchinson struggled to balance her desire to help the committee and following her lawyer’s advice. She gave them many true but incomplete recollections from the administration and especially the events of January 6. She notes that she feigned a lack of memory dozens of times throughout her testimony. She was frightened to learn that the committee wanted to interview her a second time, which Passantino seemed concerned about. He promised to help Hutchinson find a job.

During this time, Hutchinson felt she was being supervised by her contacts in the Trump administration such as Ben Williamson and Mark Meadows, and she worried that they were going to perceive her as disloyal and target her. Hutchinson managed to get through her second day-long deposition by giving the committee a bit more information but largely provided unhelpful answers.

Hutchinson continued to feel guilty about withholding information from the Committee. Her friend Sam, a Congressman, urged her to consider the fact that she would have to live with her conscience forever. She discussed her issue with her lawyer, who reassured her that no one in Trump’s circle was upset with her. However, she still felt she had to change course.

She visited Alyssa Farah and admitted that she felt she was on the wrong side and needed help. Farah, who worked alongside Liz Cheney, told Hutchinson that they could request another interview with her but that it would be her last chance to tell her truth. Hutchinson felt she was “double-dealing” by trying to invite another subpoena while seeming to support Trump and accept a lawyer funded by Trump supporters. Hutchinson was desperate for a moral guide of some kind and researched the Nixon Watergate scandal to learn how his aides had dealt with his downfall. Learning about Alex Butterfield, she read the book The Last of the President’s Men, which detailed his close access to Nixon and loyalty to him, as well as his cooperation with investigators. Hutchinson was inspired and felt she had a new “moral compass” to follow.

Hutchinson’s lawyer informed her that she was going to be interviewed for a third time, and Hutchinson feigned surprise. Without a second subpoena, he warned her, Trump World would not fund her legal defense. Meanwhile, she continued to take job interviews as suggested by Trump affiliates, trying her best to not raise suspicions that she was betraying the “family.”

At her third questioning, Liz Cheney asked many direct and well-informed questions, and Hutchinson gave her more information than before. They discussed a range of incidents, including Trump wanting Pence to be hanged, Meadows burning documents, and Trump and others pressuring Georgia officials for fake votes. Hutchinson did her best to appear outraged and surprised by the committee’s questions but worried that Passantino and others would consider her answers a betrayal.

Later, Hutchinson’s lawyer learned that the Department of Justice had not indicted Dan Scavino or Mark Meadows for refusing to testify for the Committee. He told Hutchinson that she, too, should stop cooperating, advice that she found bewildering. She felt pressured to acquiesce to Passantino’s plan and wanted to break from Trump World. She called Liz Cheney and explained her personal and financial situation. Cheney urged her to not represent herself at the hearings and sent her some attorney contacts from different firms. Hutchinson soon heard from Jody Hunt and Bill Jordan, who agreed to work for her pro bono. She soon accepted their counsel, and they notified Passantino. Hutchinson was relieved and felt that she was making the right moral choice by cooperating with the investigation.

Hutchinson was thankful for her new counsel and felt somewhat guilty about Passantino’s predicament since she felt that he was “owned” by Trump’s inner circle. Although she had pursued this path to tell the whole truth, revealing everything to her new attorneys felt like “deviant behavior,” since she was breaking the Trump administration’s “code of silence” (303). Hutchinson’s lawyers were concerned to find that her testimonies were “incomplete and sometimes inaccurate” and agreed that she should do a fourth interview to tell the whole truth and protect herself (304). Hutchinson studied her previous testimonies and created notes and a calendar to accurately order her memories. Her lawyers soon learned that the Committee was considering requesting her to testify live, which made her feel overwhelmed. During her fourth interview, she carefully expanded on her old testimonies and no longer left out her memories of Trump’s “volcanic temper and egotism” (307). While Hutchinson dreaded the prospect of delivering live testimony, her lawyer assured her it was a likely scenario.

Hutchinson recalls how much she loved the president, Mark Meadows, and her job at the White House. While there, she genuinely believed she had been serving the country well. She reiterates that the president’s desire to violate the Constitution went against her own “obligations to the country” (308). She posits that Trump is a “reckless, dangerous man” and that January 6 was a “traumatizing” day for the country (313).

As she prepared to testify live before the committee, Hutchinson was sad to lose Republican friends who were angry with her for testifying. She asked if she could testify privately, but her lawyer explained that TV had more “power” and that the country deserved to hear her testimony directly from her. Cheney assured her that she was serving the country by telling the truth. 

On the day of her live testimony, Hutchinson prepared anxiously for her time in the spotlight. She finally took her seat at the witness table and listened as Liz Cheney introduced her and explained her access and status within the Trump administration. Hutchinson found Cheney’s presence and confidence reassuring, and she recounted conversations with Rudy Giuliani and Mark Meadows about the plans for January 6. The author writes that the president sounded “unhinged” in her testimony because “that is who he is” (321). She recalls being particularly nervous about revealing Trump’s violent reaction when the Secret Service denied him the chance to attend the rally at the Capitol. Another notable part of her testimony was her recollection that Trump felt Pence deserved to be hanged for ratifying the election results.

As Hutchinson predicted, Trump attacked her on social media for her testimony. The next day, Hutchinson had a “changed life” in which she was a recognizable public figure, adored by some and reviled by others.

Hutchinson stayed at a hotel for several days after testifying. It was unsafe for her to go to her apartment since people had made threats against her, and her mother’s house was surrounded by the media. She worried for her mother and stepfather’s safety after a man pretended to be an FBI agent to try to get into their house. Hutchinson continued to be targeted by Trump in his social media posts but chose to ignore it since she knew that being ignored bothered him more than conflict. She ponders how such abuse was a normalized part of the work culture in Trump’s circle and reiterates that she “escaped.” Hutchinson was buoyed by the supportive messages she received from friends, acquaintances, and the general public. She especially appreciated a call from Ben Howard, her old mentor, but found it difficult to trust him completely.

Alone in her hotel room, Hutchinson felt “lonely” but “safe” and talked with her mom and lawyers on the phone while following the news closely. Her lawyers helped her arrange security and a flight to Atlanta, where she could try to stay out of the spotlight while being close to their other office. Hutchinson’s motorcade ride to the airport was surreal. She realized that she had last visited Atlanta with the president, and now she was back in that city because of his actions. 

Hutchinson joined one of her lawyers at his lake house in Alabama, where she felt relaxed and free. She then returned to her isolation in a hotel room in Atlanta, where she waited for “time to pass” so she could focus on rebuilding her life (342). She leaned on her lawyers for emotional and financial support as she began to think about her next steps. Hutchinson underwent two days of interviews with the Department of Justice and felt she was currently living as a kind of political “refugee” in Atlanta.

At this time, Hutchinson contacted Alex Butterfield, the former Nixon aide who testified about the president he served. She was thrilled to meet him on a Zoom call and discuss their experiences. Butterfield praised Hutchinson for her courage and honesty and insisted that they were friends and would keep in touch. She was touched to receive another copy of the book about his career, which he and the author had signed.

Hutchinson was devastated by Liz Cheney’s election loss in 2022, noting that she “emerged with her principles and integrity unscathed” (348). The author continued to share her testimony in more interviews with the January 6 Committee and with the Fulton County Grand Jury in Georgia.

Hutchinson began to rebuild her life by signing a lease on a new apartment and buying a puppy she named George. With her interviews complete, she went home for Thanksgiving. She was shocked when she realized that her father had sold his house and moved away without telling her. Hutchinson broke down but also finally felt “free” and able to “move forward.”

In her Epilogue, Hutchinson summarizes her journey from her childhood in New Jersey to working in politics and ultimately testifying for the January 6 Committee. She describes flying to San Diego to meet Alex Butterfield in person and crying as she hugged him for the first time.