Five Feet Apart

Will sits on the roof and listens to Stella’s voicemail over and over again. He watches her in her room as she works through the night. Depressed, Will returns to his room for his nighttime routine and rewatches one of Stella’s YouTube videos. The next day, as Will follows his medical routine, he notices an envelope sliding underneath his door. In the envelope is a drawing by Stella that features a boy and a girl with “tiny pink hearts floating above their heads, chuckling at the giant arrow in between reading ‘FIVE FEET AT ALL TIMES’ in big, bright-red letters” (170). Will notes the discrepancy between the drawing’s warning of maintaining five feet distance versus the medically recommended six feet of distance he and other CFers maintain at all times. He receives a text from Stella with a link to her latest YouTube video titled “B. cepacia—A Hypothetical” (170).

In the video Stella explains Burkholderia cepacia and the precautions she and other CFers must take to avoid contracting it, including maintaining six feet distance. Using a pool cue, Stella demonstrates five feet of distance and states her desire to reclaim a small sense of control over the uncontrollable nature of cystic fibrosis by maintaining five feet instead of six feet. She declares, “cystic fibrosis will steal no more from me. From now on, I am the thief” (172). Stella surprises Will by knocking on his door. He soon realizes that Stella is outside his room in real life. She uses the pool cue to separate them by five feet and asks Will, “Are you in?” (173). He agrees, and she tells him to meet her in the atrium later that evening.

Stella prepares for her date with Will, panicking over her lack of clothing options. She eyes a pair of silky boxers, a hand-me-down from Abby. She considers how her friends are enjoying their last night in Cabo and realizes she doesn’t wish she was with them. She thinks, “I wish they were here, helping me get ready. If anything, I’m glad I’m not miles away right now” (174).

At nine o’clock that night, she heads to the atrium, dressed in the boxers and a tank top, and armed with latex gloves and a pool cue, reminders of the precautions she and Will must take. She take a white rose from a flower display and tucks it behind her ear. She ponders all the firsts she’s had at Saint Grace’s: “My first surgery. My first best friend. My first chocolate milkshake. And now, my first real date” (176). Will enters the atrium, and Stella greets him, raising the pool cue to mark the distance they must maintain. Will grabs the other end, smiling.

Stella and Will continue their date, each holding one end of the pool cue to observe their five feet of distance. Will learns about Stella’s history at Saint Grace’s, where she has been admitted off and on since age six. Thinking about his own transient upbringing in various hospitals, Will reflects, “I can’t even imagine being in one place that long” (179). They continue their date, meandering through the hospital at night for hours.

Stella asks about Will’s father, and he shares how his father left when he was younger due to the pressure of having a sick child. When Stella asks about his mother, Will shares, “Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t see me. Doesn’t know me. She just sees the CF” (180). Will also divulges his hope that everything will change when he turns 18 in two days. Stella expresses dismay that she has not procured a gift for Will’s birthday. He suggests that her gift be a promise “[t]o stick around for the next one” (181). Stella agrees.

They wander to the gym, and Stella leads Will to an unfamiliar door. She opens it using the keypad and moves them forward into the room: the pool room. The two lovers dip their feet in the pool. Will asks Stella what she thinks happens after they die. Stella shares one theory she has pondered that connects birth and death. Stella states that babies live in the womb though they’re not yet born; she wonders if “maybe death is the same. Maybe it’s just the next life. An inch away” (182). Will counters her theory with his belief that death is “the big sleep, baby. Peace out. Blink. Done and done” (183). Stella pushes back on Will’s theory, refusing to believe that Abby “just ‘blinked’ out” (183). Hesitantly, Will asks how Abby died. Stella solemnly says, “She was cliff diving in Arizona and she landed wrong when she hit the water. Broke her neck and drowned” (183). Despite the doctors’ insistence that Abby felt no pain, Stella laments how she was not there for her sister like Abby was always there for Stella.

They discuss if they are afraid of death. Stella is scared of the actual act of dying. Will details his similar feelings about taking his last breath. Instinctually, Stella reaches out her hand to comfort Will. As she stops herself, Will observes, “Her eyes meet mine, and they’re filled with understanding. She knows that fear. But then she gives me this small smile, and I realize we’re here in spite of all that” (185).

Unable to touch Stella, Will uses the pool cue to caress her arm and neck, who shivers, “a faint red blooming in her cheeks as the pool cue climbs” (185-86). Bashful, Stella confesses that she lied during their first encounter: She has never had sex. Stella is insecure about her body, namely the scars from her multiple surgeries and her G-tube. Will reassures her, saying, “Everything about you is sexy” (186). Stella undresses down to her underwear in front of Will, and “[t]he light dances against the raised battle scars on her chest and stomach” (186). She dives into the pool. Will undresses and joins her in his boxers. As they swim together, Will knows he is falling in love with Stella.