Invisible Emmie

During health class, Emmie creates a collage that is symbolic of how she views herself and her life. The collage is supposed to represent her personality and interests, but she only includes a few pictures surrounded by blank space. Emmie’s teacher gently criticizes her effort, saying, “Nice, Emmie. But it’s looking a little sparse. You included a few things you like. Maybe add things that describe your personality?” (102). He does not understand that the blank spaces are where potential exists, which is what Emmie means when she says, “Actually, those gaps kind of do describe my personality” (103). In the novel’s Prologue, Emmie calls herself a “hero in waiting” and shows herself sitting with a paper bag on her head (4). She sees herself as someone who has yet to emerge and therefore doesn’t know exactly who she is or what she is supposed to do. For Emmie, it seems like everyone around her already has this figured out, although it is more likely they are just skilled illusionists. Emmie’s portrayal of Katie and her collage speaks to this warped view of her peers. Katie’s collage is jam-packed with interests and passions. She holds it up proudly, and the entire class claps for her as Emmie stares, once again with no mouth.

As the day progresses, Emmie’s conflict evolves from completely internal to one that involves many of her classmates. Emmie relies on the small amount of predictability that she has during the day, and this is quickly taken from her when Joe reads her love poem to the entire class. The next couple of hours of Emmie’s afternoon are spent enduring teasing and snickering from her classmates, who have all read the poem she wrote. Emmie refers back to the Prelogue, in which she described herself as a slime puddle: “The bad news: I’ve been humiliated into a puddle of slime (see Prelogue)” (114). Emmie continues to put herself down, wondering if Tyler liked the poem but then telling herself it’s impossible. Katie’s reaction to the poem is one of empathy and curiosity, but Emmie continues to criticize herself through Katie, who calls her no threat to Katie’s chances with Tyler. Emmie believes that Tyler would only want someone like Katie. She doesn’t realize that he is a more sensitive, quiet type like her because she has never had the courage to talk to him.

Growing frustrated, she starts to challenge herself through Katie, who says, “Well, maybe people don’t hear you ’cause you speak so softly. And maybe they don’t see you ’cause you walk like you don’t want to be seen” (124). Emmie’s face shows pain in this moment: She is finally being honest with herself, and it is causing her discomfort. This discomfort, however, is a necessary part of her journey toward Coping With and Overcoming Anxiety and Standing Up to Bullies. It isn’t until she acknowledges how she has contributed to her own unhappiness that she can stop leaning on coping mechanisms that no longer serve her and try something new. Emmie’s friendship is tested when Brianna worries that she lost both love notes and threatens never to forgive her. When Emmie spends time on her own, she is forced to find her own resilience and courage and speak up for herself. She sees how Brianna wronged her by putting their friendship on the line over a mistake and expresses this openly to her, rather than letting Brianna boss her around anymore. The changes that Emmie experiences over the course of this day, both within herself and with Brianna, were in the making for a long time, but this especially eventful day is what leads to their resolution. After her argument with Brianna, Emmie feels frustrated with her situation in life and decides that Katie is part of the problem. She begins rejecting Katie and fending for herself instead.