While Pseudolus watches, Simia speaks with Ballio. After brief insults, Simia says his master has sent him to bring this sealed letter. When Ballio asks Simia his master’s name, Simia, who doesn’t know the name of the Macedonian soldier, tricks Ballio into saying it himself. Ballio recognizes the seal and opens the letter, which says that Harpax is bringing the money and that Ballio should send the prostitute with him. Ballio tells Simia to follow him, so that they can make the exchange.
Alone, Pseudolus says he has never seen “a worse human being, / A more deviously wicked fellow than this Simia!” (1017-18). He says Simia is “so awfully damn good he scares me!” (1019). He worries that Simia will turn his “wily weapons against [him]” (1021), that Simia will disappear or “join the enemy” (1027), that Simo will catch them in their scheme, and that Harpax will show up before Simia is able to leave with Phoenicium. Pseudolus nervously considers how long it’s taking for Simia to emerge, saying his “heart has packed its bag and is all ready / To seek exile right out of my chest” (1033-34). When he sees Phoenicium, he celebrates his “sweet victory” (1036).
As they emerge, Simia comforts a weeping Phoenicium, telling her he’s not bringing her to “that Macedonian monster” (1041) but rather to Calidorus. Pseudolus asks Simia what took so long; Simia chastises him for wasting time with questions when they are “surrounded by the enemy” (1048). Pseudolus urges them to leave, saying, “It’s time to toast our triumph!” (1051).
Ballio emerges from his house and says having Phoenicium gone is “a lot off [his] mind” (1052). He dares Pseudolus to “try to trick [him] out of her now!” (1055). He says he’d rather perjure himself “[t]han let him make a laughingstock out of [him] once!” (1058). Claiming he’ll “have the last laugh, the next time [they] meet” (1059) at the mill, he wishes to see Simo, who would share his happiness.
In Pseudolus, few characters are without sin; Plautus creates a world in which one expects to be swindled, cheated, or lied to. When Ballio enters in Scene 13, he expresses surprise that his cook is “less wicked than you’d expect” (956) because “he’s only stolen a cup and a ladle” (957), suggesting that someone with the bare minimum of integrity is to be admired. It’s a world in which one’s ability to outsmart and out-cheat those around him is the surest sign of his ability to take care of himself.
Wiliness, therefore, is the most highly-valued trait. Simia, like Pseudolus, is a gifted trickster; when Ballio demands that Simia, disguised as Harpax, tell him the Macedonian soldier’s name, Simia, who doesn’t know the soldier’s name, cleverly coerces Ballio into revealing the name himself. In the next scene, Pseudolus tells the audience that he’s never “seen a worse human being” (1017) or “[a] more deviously wicked fellow” (1018) than Simia, and yet, he also states that Simia is “awfully damn good” (1019). Pseudolus’s resulting fear of Simia—“What if, just when things are going well, / He turns his wily weapons against me?” (1019-20)—reiterates that in Pseudolus’s world, one must be wary at all times.
Pseudolus demonstrates an uncharacteristic break in confidence when Simia takes too long to return from retrieving Phoenicium. The same man who’d stated, “I don’t know exactly how I’ll do it, but I do know / That I will” (567-68) in Scene 14 worries that Simia will betray him or that ill fortune will send the real Harpax, or Simo, home before the task is complete. Even the wily, confident Pseudolus knows that harsh punishment awaits him if he fails; in fact, minutes later, in Scene 16, Ballio, thinking he’s outsmarted Pseudolus, expresses eagerness to see Pseudolus “in the mill” (1060).
This failure of confidence, however, is brief. Upon noticing Simia emerging with Phoenicium, Pseudolus resumes his military language, exclaiming that he has “vanquished [his] vigilant foes” (1036) and commanding, “Onward, troops!” (1051) as they go to celebrate. Once again, Pseudolus adopts language above his station, reinforcing not only his self-assurance but also the fluidity between classes, if not in status than in intelligence and wit.
It’s worth noting that when we finally meet Phoenicium, we never hear her speak. The closest readers ever get to hearing her voice is her pleading desperation in her Scene 1 letter to Calidorus; when we meet her in Scene 15, she is weeping, but does not speak. That she is the only female character in the play suggests not only the powerlessness of women but also the unscrupulousness of men.
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By Plautus