Reminders of Him

Near Kenna’s apartment is a cozy bar run by a former professional football player Ledger, who is adjusting to his early retirement. A devastating knee injury ended a promising career with the Denver Broncos. Now, Ledger is building a spacious dream home just outside of town, but he has no family. A childhood buddy of Scotty, in the five years since his friend’s death he has become an important part in the life of Scotty’s daughter. More than an uncle, closer to a kind of surrogate father, Ledger loves the girl and dotes on her. Ledger’s parents, both retired, travel the country in their RV. Indeed, they have stopped in town for one of their frequent visits.

That night, Ledger chats with his bartender, Roman; he is also a retired football player, and Ledger helped him while Roman was recovering from his substance use disorder. Ledger notices a striking woman, a stranger, enter the bar. The woman is Kenna.

Remembering a bookstore in town where she used to visit, Kenna is stunned to see it has since been renovated into a bar. She goes in hesitatingly. She cannot help but notice the attractive bartender: “He is good looking in a way that a girl who is trying to get custody of her daughter should want to stay away from” (15). Determined not to drink alcohol, she orders coffee. She thinks about her life, about Scotty, about Diem, and she cries: “[L]ife can be so fucking cruel and hard” (16).

Ledger is intrigued by Kenna. He wants to introduce himself, but after three years working at a bar, he can tell when a customer wants to be alone. He cannot stop staring at her: “There’s something terrifying about this one” (18). As Kenna prepares to go, her coffee finished, she leaves a generous tip. Ledger, for reasons he cannot explain, stops her to invite her to come back after the bar closes: “I shouldn’t do this, but if I let her walk away, I will never stop thinking about the sad girl who left me a ten-dollar tip” (21).

Kenna returns to the bar at 11 o’clock in the evening. She is not sure why she left the tip nor why she has returned. The apartment was too quiet, even with the kitten. As she watches the last stragglers depart the bar, she tells herself to stay composed, not to let the mysterious bartender’s looks distract her: “There is a war in his eyes” (26). When he comes over to her, she lies about her name, fearful of the echo-chamber of a small town. She tells him her name is Nicole, her middle name. Despite her cautions to herself, she too willingly surrenders to a kiss with this stranger: “I didn’t come to town to meet a guy. I’m in this town for a much bigger purpose” (26). She feels weaker and weaker. She suddenly recalls that Ledger was a friend of Scotty’s whom she never met. Even as she sorts through guilt over what she is doing with Scotty’s friend, she wants to surrender to Ledger, but she hesitates and, in tears, heads to the door.

Ledger struggles to understand why he is so attracted to Kenna. Kissing her stirs him in new ways: “Something is wrong with her, something I am not even sure I want to know at this point” (32). As she backs away from their kissing and heads to the door to walk home, Ledger knows he cannot let go. He runs after her. She is in tears, and the two end up in his truck and continue to kiss: “When I inhale,” Ledger admits, “I can hear the shakiness of my own breaths” (35). Only the arrival of a passing cop stops them. Awkwardly, Ledger drives Kenna to her apartment. He asks whether she might want to go to a T-ball game the next morning—he coaches a team. She is evasive, but she promises they will see each other again.

Now alone, Kenna writes an emotional letter to Scotty. She wrote letters to Scotty during her time in prison. She tells him now about meeting his best friend and about her confused feelings: “I was being kissed by the hot bartender whose best friend died because of me” (45). She recalls, noting the irony, how Scotty would sometimes pick her up for their dates in his best friend’s truck, the same truck she was in that night. Absently, she wonders whether Ledger has stayed in touch with Scotty’s parents and whether he knows Diem.

Ledger drives home. He lives across the street from Patrick and Grace Landry, and he knows that Diem watches for his truck at night to make sure he is safe. He lives in the house he grew up in, although he is building a new home a few miles outside town.

The next morning, Ledger picks up Diem for her T-ball game. She is on the team, although her commitment to the sport is waning. Preparations are already underway for the girl’s fast-approaching fifth birthday. Ledger loves the little girl’s energy, her imagination, and her feisty self-confidence. She delights him with a story about how she had a tiny dragon for breakfast.

Kenna needs a job to stay in town and help improve her chances to meet her daughter. Kenna visits all the small town’s businesses looking for a job. She knows her prison record will not help, and she has little experience. Just about ready to give up, she is offered a part-time job as a cashier/bagger at a small market. She still calls herself Nicole. Amy, the manager, tells a grateful Kenna that she sees her store as an opportunity to provide help for those who need it. On impulse, Kenna asks Amy what she knows about Ledger: “He’s single and childless” (59). Although Kenna thinks about heading out to Ledger’s T-ball game hoping that Diem might be on his team, she decides she needs to talk to Scotty’s parents.