Speak

The snow begins to thaw as spring rolls in. Melinda observes Rachel hanging out with Andy Evans. Easter is spent in near silence, and Melinda attends all her classes.

Over spring break, Melinda goes to the mall to escape the tension at home. She runs into Ivy, who breaks the silence by starting a conversation about the chaotic atmosphere at the face-painting stand. Melinda asks what Ivy is sketching and sits down next to her to see that Ivy is sketching the faces of kids who got painted. Melinda compliments the drawings, and Ivy praises Melinda’s turkey bone creation from months ago. She offers Ivy a Lifesaver candy, and Ivy asks about Melinda’s tree creation. She suggests Melinda just let go and draw it, and the two take turns drawing a tree together. Ivy gives Melinda a helpful tip: “Layer the leaves and make them slightly different sizes” (146).

Melinda tries Ivy’s trick and draws a willow tree dripping into the water. She finds that it works well and decides to tape it to the wall of her closet at school. In biology class, she studies genetics and thinks about which parent she resembles more if either of them. She lists 10 more lies told in high school, including, “We want to hear what you have to say” (148).

Rachel becomes increasingly involved with Andy, and Melinda worries that he will hurt her. Melinda feels conflicted between being angry with Rachel and wanting to help her. Between periods, Melinda watches as Andy steals Rachel’s notebook, not giving it back until she kisses him. Rachel obliges, and Melinda shivers at the sight.

Melinda sits in her closet, thinking about whether or not to tell Rachel about what happened at the party. She feels overwhelmed and claustrophobic, looking around at her art projects as they mold in spring's dampness. Melinda reflects on her progress with her trees, noting that she has gone through several phases, including an uncertain phase and a death phase. She hears Maya Angelou telling her to give Rachel the truth, and she writes a note with her left hand explaining that “Andy Evans […] is not what he pretends to be” (152).

In art class, Melinda becomes frustrated once more. She feels she is not an artist and does not belong and throws her last linoleum block in the garbage. Mr. Freeman retrieves it and tells her to “be the tree” (153), reminding her that trees have flaws and are alive. They are imperfect and often scarred—much like Melinda. She decides to give it one more try.

David’s lawyer continues defending him against Mr. Neck, and David earns the ability to speak for as long as he wants in social studies class. Melinda learns about the suffragettes and decides to write a paper on them. She admires how they “marched in, full of loud, in-your-face ideas” (154-55) and fought for women’s rights. Melinda writes a report she is proud of, but when she goes to turn it in, she finds out that Mr. Neck expects her to read it aloud in class instead.

The next social studies class arrives, and Melinda and David concoct a plan to get Melinda out of reading her report aloud. She writes words of protest on the board instead, citing the suffragettes’ fight to speak and her fight to stay silent. She stands up for her beliefs and spends money photocopying her report to hand out to each classmate. Mr. Neck sends her to detention, and she feels like a suffragette being punished for fighting for her rights.

David confesses that he thinks Melinda got her suffragette report wrong and missed the point of their fight. In demanding her right to be silent, Melinda goes against their fight to speak out. When David points this out to Melinda, she considers his advice. David warns her that she cannot make a difference unless she speaks up and then says he will call her. Melinda wonders if he is asking her out but feels a date is out of the question because she does not want to be touched.

One day, Melinda is in art class after school when Andy comes in looking for Rachel. He asks Melinda if she has seen her, and Melinda tries to ignore him. Andy approaches her and sits on her desk as Melinda sits frozen in fear. She wonders if he would dare hurt her at school. Then, Rachel walks in, and Andy rips Melinda’s sketch as he gets up off her desk. Ivy comes in to work on her sculpture, and after Rachel and Andy leave, she comments on how much trouble Andy seems to be. Rather than agree with Ivy, Melinda runs home and deals with the panic she feels by hiding in her closet in her bedroom: “I stuff my mouth with old fabric and scream until there are no sounds left under my skin” (162).

Melinda decides she needs a mental health day and fakes illness to stay home. When her mother comes to check on her, she tells her, “I don’t feel well” (163), surprising her mother with the fact that she spoke. Her mother brings her some food and ginger ale.

Melinda watches talk shows on TV when she stays home for the day. It seems as if the hosts are speaking directly to her as they tell her honestly and blatantly that she was raped by someone who resembles an animal more than a human. Melinda finds it difficult to accept that she was raped and cannot seem to achieve any relief from the thoughts and memories of it. She wonders, “Did he rape my head, too?” (165). This is the first time Melinda uses the word “rape” to describe her experience.

As the earth thaws, Melinda begins to warm up to the world around her again. It happens slowly, in tiny increments, but she observes herself becoming more willing to speak again. One afternoon, she decides to rake leaves. Her father comes out to see the work and compliments her efforts, noting that he will grab some leaf bags when he goes to the store. He invites Melinda to join him, but she declines. She manages to “rake the leaves out of [her] throat” (168) and asks her dad to bring home some flower seeds.

In gym class, the students practice tennis. Melinda plays against Nicole as the class watches and loses by only a few points. She realizes she is skilled at tennis and that she is “tough enough to play and strong enough to win” (170). For the first time in a long time, Melinda sets a goal for herself: to play tennis more—maybe even with her dad.

Yearbooks are released, and the students are excited to sign and count their signatures. Melinda watches everyone else in their flutter and decides she will not buy a yearbook.

Melinda’s English teacher cuts her hair short, and she wonders what must have changed. She speculates that perhaps her teacher finally published her book or that she may have fallen in love.

In art class, Ivy wears four markers with the caps off in her bun. When she turns her head as Melinda walks by, she draws all over Melinda’s shirt. Melinda goes to wash it off, and Ivy follows her to the washroom. She helps Melinda wash her shirt, and Melinda asks about what Ivy said the other day about Andy. Ivy explains that Andy is “after one thing, and if you believe the rumors, he’ll get it, no matter what” (175). They lament that Rachel is dating him and that she has seemed to dismiss all her old friends as nothing. Inside the bathroom stall, Melinda waits as Ivy washes her shirt out. She takes one of Ivy’s markers and writes on the door: “Guys to stay away from…Andy Evans” (175) to warn other girls not to involve themselves with him.

Prom draws near, and Heather returns to Melinda, begging for help. She appears at Melinda’s house, and Melinda is embarrassed to show Heather her room full of toy rabbits. Heather tells Melinda about her problems with the Marthas and how her grades are starting to suffer due to the amount of time and energy she spends on the group. Melinda marvels at how Heather seems oblivious to her mistreatment of Melinda as she continues to rant. Heather asks Melinda if she will help her with another Martha project, and Melinda says nothing at first. Finally, Melinda speaks up for herself and says no. She cannot yet bring herself to be fully honest, instead making up an excuse to be busy. Melinda does ask Heather to leave, and Heather does so without another word.

Melinda feels stronger and bolder with each passing day, noting how “too much sun after a Syracuse winter does strange things to your head, makes you feel strong, even if you aren’t” (180). She decides she will tell Rachel the truth about Andy and finds her studying in the library. They begin a conversation as Melinda tries to reminisce and break the ice. The librarian scolds them for making noise, and they switch to writing notes to one another. Melinda writes her truth about what happened at the party and confesses that Andy raped her. Rachel is sympathetic until Melinda mentions Andy; she then turns around and accuses Melinda of lying due to jealousy. She leaves the library angry and offended.

After her conversation with Rachel, Melinda feels down, like she should never tell anyone again. Then, Ivy shows her what she started: a conversation about Andy Evans in the bathroom stall. On the door are dozens of different written confessions and statements about Andy and all of the horrible things he has done. There are warnings, stories, and insults—all calling out Andy as a terrible person to be avoided, arrested, or even sterilized. Upon seeing this, Melinda feels as if she can fly.

Melinda wakes up to find the tree outside her window being sawed down. She takes her bike for a long ride and stops to sit and reflect. She digs her hands into the fresh dirt, feeling like she has come out of a long dormancy and now needs to find her way: “I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chainsaw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or fears?” (188). She catches a glimpse of a new seed inside herself that resembles the person she used to be and decides to nurture it.

After her bike ride, Melinda returns home and finishes tending to the lawn. Her mother comes home and is happy to see everything so clean and her daughter doing something with her day. The family orders pizza and eats together on the deck; Melinda’s parents do not fight. She falls asleep on the couch soon after and awakes at midnight. Melinda takes her bike out again, riding past the houses of all her old friends. She feels energized and ready to tackle life.

After the prom, Melinda enjoys hearing about all the drama and gossip. She is especially happy to hear that Rachel broke up with Andy mid-prom, although she does not relish that it happened because Andy advanced on Rachel physically despite her not wanting it. Melinda talks about her future as if it exists now and may be full of possibility, after all, noting, “If you are tough enough to survive [high school], they’ll let you become an adult. I hope it’s worth it” (191).

Melinda continues to reclaim her self-esteem and sense of power as she watches the rest of the school reject and dismiss Andy. She is brave enough to follow him down the hall one day and watch as he follows Rachel; one of Rachel’s friends tells Andy to back off, and Melinda gleams with pride. She also decides she no longer needs or wants to hide in a closet and dismantles it, taking home the things she wishes to keep and throwing out the rest. As she is doing so, Andy traps her in the closet and locks the door. He calls her a freak and blames her for ruining his life and reputation. He then tells her she wanted to have sex with him and made up the rape story out of jealousy. Andy attacks Melinda, pushing himself against her, grabbing her, punching her, and hurting her. She screams louder than she knew she could and notices a wood block in the corner (the base of her turkey sculpture) and picks it up. She begins slamming it against the wall until a mirror breaks and shatters. Melinda picks up a piece of broken glass and holds it against Andy’s neck, saying, “I said no” (195) as she draws a single drop of blood from his neck. Andy freezes and backs off as someone starts knocking on the door. Melinda unlocks it and finds Nicole and the rest of the lacrosse team standing there. Someone goes to get help.

On the last day of school, everything finally seems to be resolving for Melinda. She is in the art room finishing her tree drawing with Mr. Freeman as company. She creates an imperfect tree that appears alive and breathing, with new growth reaching up and an incurable diseased limb at the bottom, which is due to fall off soon. She reflects on her year and recovery and is honest with herself about the fact that she was raped, and it was not her fault. When she finishes her drawing, she hands it to Mr. Freeman, who gives it an instant A+. Melinda is crying as she thinks about how much she has been through and how far she has come. Mr. Freeman comments on that very thing, remarking that she has been through a lot. The last bit of ice inside Melinda thaws, and she decides to tell Mr. Freeman everything.