The Hand That First Held Mine

Ted Roffe is Lexie and Felix’s son, Jonah’s father, and Elina’s partner. He is largely defined by the people around him and lacks a sense of clear identity. He is a secondary protagonist in that the Ted/Elina sections focus on his journey to understanding his past, which is intimately tied to Lexie’s story. Both he and Elina characterize him as having a terrible memory—Elina describes him as “Mr. Amnesia” at one point—which the novel ultimately reveals is connected to the trauma he experienced when Lexie died. He is therefore a primary vehicle through which the novel explores The Effect of Trauma on Memory.

Ted’s reckoning with his past stems from the identity crisis of his newfound fatherhood and the trauma of nearly losing his wife. Shortly after his son’s birth, he begins to rediscover his heritage through resurfacing memories of his childhood. As his memories reveal that he had a mother other than Margot, his day-to-day memory improves as well, as he no longer needs the protection afforded by forgetfulness. The novel ends with Ted asking Elina for more of Lexie’s words, which implies that Ted will resolve his identity crisis through his relationship with Elina and the legacy Lexie has left him.

Elina Vilkuna is a third protagonist. She is an artist, a mother, and Ted’s partner. She shares traits with both Lexie and Ted and thus provides an initial bridge between them and their storylines. Elina’s character and storyline resemble Lexie’s in that they are both independent women who leave home in search of a more profound life experience. Elina, however, reaps the benefits of the struggles that women like Lexie went through: Elina has a supportive partner who takes equal responsibility in parenting their child, and she experiences little social stigma despite being unmarried.

Elina and Ted both experience the trauma of Jonah’s birth, but where for Ted this trauma begins a journey of self-discovery, it triggers memory loss in Elina. In healing, Elina touches base with her deeper self—one who can integrate her identity as a mother with her identity as an artist and as a woman. Through her experience of both motherhood and trauma, she recognizes that Ted needs to connect to Lexie in order to heal himself. It is Elina who brings Lexie to Ted via Lexie’s words, finally resolving the damage done in Lexie’s drowning.

Margot Roffe is the novel’s primary antagonist, as her motivations clash with those of Lexie, Elina, and eventually Ted. However, she is a round character rather than a flat villain. Margot feels her father abandoned her for his mistress and later believes that Lexie stole her inheritance. These early experiences color her view of the world, leading her to hide the truth from Ted and to pursue everything Lexie has in revenge.

Margot is also a mother who has lost multiple children through miscarriage. Her hunger for Jonah, her constant worry about Ted when he’s a child, and her willingness to take Ted on as her own are all indications that her losses have fractured her identity. In contrast to Lexie and Elina, she is never able to define herself as a coherent whole. She is forever defined by what has been done to her rather than who she decides to be.