The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

This chapter includes three subchapters: “Things Fall Apart,” “The Tyranny of Exceptionalism,” and “B-b-b-but, If I’m Not Going to Be Special or Extraordinary, What’s the Point?” As in the previous chapters, Manson begins with a story, this time about a guy named Jimmy who, it seems, is based on a person Manson knows. Jimmy is ambitious, to be sure, but he has a one-sided view of himself that is entirely positive. Anything bad that happens to him is always someone else’s fault, never his own. Jimmy is a model of positive thinking run amok. Manson uses his story as a way of pointing out how Western culture creates and then exploits the notion that being normal or average is distasteful. The title of this chapter is blunt—“You are Not Special”—and Manson breaks down why this is true but also provides justification for why not being special isn’t a bad thing. Using simple logic, he effectively claims that if everyone is special, then nobody is special. Manson provides a brief historical perspective on the so-called “self-esteem” revolution that began in the late 1960s and saw psychologists generally shift their focus to improving a patient’s self-esteem. Manson thinks this ultimately led to an unanticipated consequence—namely, it deflected away from reckoning with one’s shortcomings. The center of Manson’s outlook is that one can attain happiness only if one effectively recognizes one’s own limitations and weaknesses, and he views this self-esteem trend as having a broad negative impact on society. Jimmy exemplifies what happens when self-esteem is the only metric one uses to address oneself.

On the flip side of the self-esteem trend is the tendency for people to enlarge their own problems. Manson sees this as an equivalent to the Jimmy types who believe that they are extraordinary and stand out from the masses. In Manson’s view, those who believe that they experience problems unique to the world are likewise engaging in self-damaging behavior. Manson believes this is self-aggrandizing behavior and ultimately leads to a sense of entitlement. When people feel that their problems are unique to humanity, they indulge the feelings that come along with it. When they’re consoled and pitied, they’re rewarded with what Manson refers to as a “high”—and, like all highs, the feeling is temporary and fleeting. Crucially, Manson advises that the first step to overcoming problems is the accepting that they’re not unique. Once a person accepts this, it opens the possibility of developing a deeper understanding of themselves. This helps guide them to solving the problem—and this is what Manson reminds us leads to happiness: solving problems.