The Year of Magical Thinking

Didion recalls moments in her own life that felt like a foreshadowing of death. One occurred while she was walking on a fall day and light and leaves seemed to shower down upon her. The other was a beautiful dream that, upon waking, she was certain was meant to represent death. Both experiences were positive, yet Didion found herself railing against the reality of her husband’s passing. She concludes that this is born out of her own self-pity.

Dunne’s death was preceded by signs. His health was failing as his heart continued to enter atrial fibrillation. Dunne told Didion multiple times that he believed he was dying. During an argument about where to go for vacation, Dunne insisted that if they did not visit Paris in November, he would never again have the opportunity. On the ride home from the hospital on the day he died, he lamented that everything he had written lately had not been good. A depression had overtaken him, but Didion believed it was due to Quintana’s situation.

When Quintana regains consciousness, Didion is burdened with how to tell her of her father’s death. Because Quintana is in and out of consciousness for several days, always insisting on knowing where her father is, Didion is forced to retell the story three times. Quintana stays with Didion for weeks after leaving the hospital, still extremely weak and unable to hold herself up. On January 25th, she is readmitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of pulmonary emboli and discharged once more on February 3rd. Didion and Quintana plan and schedule a funeral for Dunne for March 23rd. Shortly after, Quintana and her husband Gerry travel back home to California.

After Quintana’s departure, Didion thinks about her all day, imagining her at the airport, boarding the plane, taking Gerry to all her favorite spots in California. She sees this as the start of the rest of Quintana’s life and resolves that it also will be the start of the rest of her own life. She cleans her office and prepares to go to dinner with friends. She receives a phone call from a friend to let her know that Quintana is receiving emergency neurosurgery in Los Angeles.

Didion pieces together what occurred after Quintana left her home. Quintana and Gerry arrived at the airport in Los Angeles. As they were leaving, Gerry looked back and saw Quintana flat on the ground. An ambulance took her to UCLA, and Quintana was awake and talking. Once at the emergency room, she began convulsing and lost brain function. They performed immediate surgery to address subdural hematoma. Didion calls Gerry, who has just received word that Quintana’s outlook is more optimistic than it was at first: The surgeons believe she may survive the surgery, but they cannot speak to her condition. Quintana survives the surgery and the bleeding on her brain subsides. Didion studies her daughter’s condition, as well as fixed pupils which Quintana exhibited in the emergency room. She learns that 75% of patients with this condition do not survive.